I have to share this story here because I thought it was very funny. This morning in the ladies room one of the women who I work with, and have become quite fond of, asked me if I was ever a Beauty Queen. I laughed out loud at her question and then realized she was serious!! I managed to control myself and told her no, I had never been a beauty queen – stifling my laughter. ‘Oh, she said, you look like Beauty Queen Material to me.’ I laughed again and told her she was very sweet, and I thanked her for the compliment. But I have to say I still find it funny. I keep picturing myself in a swim suit or something up on a stage – it would be a HYSTERICAL sight!!!
Whoodofthunkit – me, Beauty Queen Material… A lovely compliment – but funny none the less.
Thanks 'S' for making my day!!
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
SMELLY SITUATION
How do I tell my 16 year old he smells bad? At first I thought it was just me who could smell it – cause I have a very sensitive nose, but it turns out it’s not. A friend of mine was visiting last night and when she left he was in the lounge and she asked me what smelt so funny. I shrugged and she said (with a chuckle) “I think it may be your son.”
I realised he really does smell bad. (yikes!!)
OH WOE IS ME!!! To be the one who has to deal with this.
He does shower everyday and he washes his hair everyday too. But he plays soccer – everyday. Last night he had just come home from practice as my friend was leaving and he was sweaty. Very sweaty. But, he went to bed like that. Gugh!!!
And when I open his door in the morning to wake him up it’s like a wave that hits me in the face – that’s how bad it gets. His room always smells sweaty. It’s really gross.
I thought he would get some savvy on his own, but he hasn’t so I guess it’s up to me.
I will have to wait till I get him alone and tell him as nicely as possible – and without embarrassing him that he may want to consider showering or bathing after practices and before school in the morning – basically twice a day, instead of just once. It’s strange cause he’s SO pedantic about his appearance that I am surprised by this behaviour.
I could just come right out and say
“Hey, dude you REEK, you should like shower a little more often dontcha think? Chicks will dig you if you do.”
But I have a sense that this may require a little more tact than that – after all he does have a very fragile male ego…
Any tips anyone?
I realised he really does smell bad. (yikes!!)
OH WOE IS ME!!! To be the one who has to deal with this.
He does shower everyday and he washes his hair everyday too. But he plays soccer – everyday. Last night he had just come home from practice as my friend was leaving and he was sweaty. Very sweaty. But, he went to bed like that. Gugh!!!
And when I open his door in the morning to wake him up it’s like a wave that hits me in the face – that’s how bad it gets. His room always smells sweaty. It’s really gross.
I thought he would get some savvy on his own, but he hasn’t so I guess it’s up to me.
I will have to wait till I get him alone and tell him as nicely as possible – and without embarrassing him that he may want to consider showering or bathing after practices and before school in the morning – basically twice a day, instead of just once. It’s strange cause he’s SO pedantic about his appearance that I am surprised by this behaviour.
I could just come right out and say
“Hey, dude you REEK, you should like shower a little more often dontcha think? Chicks will dig you if you do.”
But I have a sense that this may require a little more tact than that – after all he does have a very fragile male ego…
Any tips anyone?
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
RETREAT FOR MOMMIES?
Is there a place tired worn out mommies can go for a break?
A place where you can sleep through the night without being disturbed and where you can sleep until you wake up – not until you are woken by a hungry cry or some kind of disaster.
Is there a place where mommies can go to get away from the daily mundane chores and duties? Where there is no laundry to do or meals to cook or cleaning to be done?
Is there a place where there are no children fighting and bickering with one another over the volume of the TV or the colour of the sky.
A place where mommies who have been run ragged can go to recoup and refresh their minds. To gather themselves and heal their hearts and minds from the emotional battering they get from being a mom. A place where it is quiet and calm and nobody rushes anywhere - ever.
A place where you don’t have to spend the day planning what you are going to make for dinner tonight with the bits and pieces left in your grocery cupboard cause the end of the month is just around the corner and you haven’t managed to get the store yet.
A place where there is no homework assignments left till the last minute or teachers sending letters requesting to see you about your child’s progress cause they are worried about him or her.
I doubt there is such a place, because mommies who go there would not be able to just sit back and do nothing without worrying about their children and wondering if they are getting to bed on time, getting fed and bathed properly and more than anything missing them so much that their hearts just might break. A mother’s work is never done. We do not know how to stop being mom’s even if there were such a place to go to for a few days. I know that for me the one thing that usually keeps me going, no matter how tired and worn out and miserable I am – is my children. Being with them, holding them, laughing with them, talking with them. They are the reason we want to live and sometimes also the reason we want to quit.
No, I don’t want to stop being a mommy – I just want a break, a time out, a get away so I can pull myself together because I am feeling like I am spreading myself so thin and there is not enough of me to go around anymore. I just want a coupla days off of being a mom – is it too much to ask?
And does it make me a bad mommy?
Does anyone understand what I am trying to say…?
A place where you can sleep through the night without being disturbed and where you can sleep until you wake up – not until you are woken by a hungry cry or some kind of disaster.
Is there a place where mommies can go to get away from the daily mundane chores and duties? Where there is no laundry to do or meals to cook or cleaning to be done?
Is there a place where there are no children fighting and bickering with one another over the volume of the TV or the colour of the sky.
A place where mommies who have been run ragged can go to recoup and refresh their minds. To gather themselves and heal their hearts and minds from the emotional battering they get from being a mom. A place where it is quiet and calm and nobody rushes anywhere - ever.
A place where you don’t have to spend the day planning what you are going to make for dinner tonight with the bits and pieces left in your grocery cupboard cause the end of the month is just around the corner and you haven’t managed to get the store yet.
A place where there is no homework assignments left till the last minute or teachers sending letters requesting to see you about your child’s progress cause they are worried about him or her.
I doubt there is such a place, because mommies who go there would not be able to just sit back and do nothing without worrying about their children and wondering if they are getting to bed on time, getting fed and bathed properly and more than anything missing them so much that their hearts just might break. A mother’s work is never done. We do not know how to stop being mom’s even if there were such a place to go to for a few days. I know that for me the one thing that usually keeps me going, no matter how tired and worn out and miserable I am – is my children. Being with them, holding them, laughing with them, talking with them. They are the reason we want to live and sometimes also the reason we want to quit.
No, I don’t want to stop being a mommy – I just want a break, a time out, a get away so I can pull myself together because I am feeling like I am spreading myself so thin and there is not enough of me to go around anymore. I just want a coupla days off of being a mom – is it too much to ask?
And does it make me a bad mommy?
Does anyone understand what I am trying to say…?
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
PEACE ON THE HOMEFRONT
To get straight into it, I went home on Friday after work after a very emotional day feeling more than a little apprehensive. I had decided I was going to speak to my oldest son and make my apologies for my behavior – even if he won’t.
I got home and he was – as usual – glued to his bloody cell phone. He doesn’t greet btw, ever. I said hello and he grunted. “This is going to be pleasant.” I thought to myself. I gave myself a few moments gathered my courage and walked into his room.
Let me paint a picture: He is sitting almost doubled over in his desk chair completely engrossed in whatever it is he’s doing on his cell phone. He won’t turn and look me in the eye he just kind of turns his head and sort of squints at me (When I begin to speak). He looked a bit like a hunch back gargoyle – was what I was thinking to myself.
I start of by telling him I am sorry for blowing my top at him last night and that I did indeed over react – but then again we both did. (He nods slightly). I tell him I am sorry for raising my hand to him too. I tell him that he must stop thinking that I hate him because he is SO very wrong about that. I tell him that I am actually proud of the young man he has become and of the way he is with his brothers. I am proud of the accomplishments he has made in his sport too and of how he hasn’t given in to peer pressure. I tell him (again) that for all the times I screwed up when he was a little boy (and I made some COLOSSAL screw ups as anew Stepmommy) I am so deeply sorry and that it is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. It is my burden to carry and I hope that he can find it in his heart one day to forgive me because I don’t want him to walk around with anger and unforgiveness in his heart for the rest of his life because that is just unhealthy for him. But that if he can’t forgive me that’s his burden to carry and not mine.
He didn’t say a word the entire time; he didn’t sit up or move much really. He just stayed hunched over squinting up at me from that position, he nodded every now and then and that’s all. Later my hubby phoned and asked what had happened and had I spoken to our oldest and I said I had. ‘Did he apologise?’ he asked. I said no, he never said a thing, but I told him I had. When he becomes a real man one day I hope he will be able to admit when he was wrong and say sorry – because that is harder to do than to get into a fight with somebody. It is something he is very stubborn and proud about and will have to learn to do one day – hopefully sooner than later.
My hubby did tell him that he is not to talk back to me or snap at me or anything like that under any circumstance. He is to have respect for me even if he doesn’t like or care for me. I am his wife and that will never change and he expects me to be respected and obeyed in his absence. That is happening now, and he actually talks to me, and not only when he wants something. I just can’t help wondering how long it will be before he starts to revert back.
One day he will become a man and he will grow up, and I look forward to that day. I will feel like he has made his greatest accomplishment on that day and I will celebrate it!
I will never stop being a mother to him – it’s all I’ve done for 11 years. I love him and I want to see him successful and happy. I will always be there for him when he is in need. And I have always told him that he will always be welcome in my house – if the whole world turns against him, I will always believe in him and support him. That will never change – and hopefully one day he will see that.
I got home and he was – as usual – glued to his bloody cell phone. He doesn’t greet btw, ever. I said hello and he grunted. “This is going to be pleasant.” I thought to myself. I gave myself a few moments gathered my courage and walked into his room.
Let me paint a picture: He is sitting almost doubled over in his desk chair completely engrossed in whatever it is he’s doing on his cell phone. He won’t turn and look me in the eye he just kind of turns his head and sort of squints at me (When I begin to speak). He looked a bit like a hunch back gargoyle – was what I was thinking to myself.
I start of by telling him I am sorry for blowing my top at him last night and that I did indeed over react – but then again we both did. (He nods slightly). I tell him I am sorry for raising my hand to him too. I tell him that he must stop thinking that I hate him because he is SO very wrong about that. I tell him that I am actually proud of the young man he has become and of the way he is with his brothers. I am proud of the accomplishments he has made in his sport too and of how he hasn’t given in to peer pressure. I tell him (again) that for all the times I screwed up when he was a little boy (and I made some COLOSSAL screw ups as anew Stepmommy) I am so deeply sorry and that it is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. It is my burden to carry and I hope that he can find it in his heart one day to forgive me because I don’t want him to walk around with anger and unforgiveness in his heart for the rest of his life because that is just unhealthy for him. But that if he can’t forgive me that’s his burden to carry and not mine.
He didn’t say a word the entire time; he didn’t sit up or move much really. He just stayed hunched over squinting up at me from that position, he nodded every now and then and that’s all. Later my hubby phoned and asked what had happened and had I spoken to our oldest and I said I had. ‘Did he apologise?’ he asked. I said no, he never said a thing, but I told him I had. When he becomes a real man one day I hope he will be able to admit when he was wrong and say sorry – because that is harder to do than to get into a fight with somebody. It is something he is very stubborn and proud about and will have to learn to do one day – hopefully sooner than later.
My hubby did tell him that he is not to talk back to me or snap at me or anything like that under any circumstance. He is to have respect for me even if he doesn’t like or care for me. I am his wife and that will never change and he expects me to be respected and obeyed in his absence. That is happening now, and he actually talks to me, and not only when he wants something. I just can’t help wondering how long it will be before he starts to revert back.
One day he will become a man and he will grow up, and I look forward to that day. I will feel like he has made his greatest accomplishment on that day and I will celebrate it!
I will never stop being a mother to him – it’s all I’ve done for 11 years. I love him and I want to see him successful and happy. I will always be there for him when he is in need. And I have always told him that he will always be welcome in my house – if the whole world turns against him, I will always believe in him and support him. That will never change – and hopefully one day he will see that.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Am I a complete disaster??
Last night my step son and I had a HUGE rip roaring fight. I blew my top at him over a stupid small little issue, but it’s probably been brewing for a few weeks now and that’s why it all came out last night. I lost it so badly I even tried to hit him (not in his face) – but he’s bigger than me and I wasn’t successful at all. We both shouted and said some pretty nasty stuff. It was horrible.
He’s at a HORRIBLE age now and full of emotions and testosterone and he doesn’t know what to do with it (I told my hubby that sometimes I wish I was a man so I could understand him better.) – and he takes it out on me - the one who’s NOT his mother and he makes that VERY clear too. And every time I speak to him he bites my head off or mutters at me under his breath or something and it’s been building up in me till I finally exploded…
I then felt so sick from it afterwards that I spoke to my hubby who in turn spoke to our son and who in turn ended up in tears saying how much he hated me and living in our house and, and, and… {sob}
It basically went from bad to worse and I was sure my husband would hate me too after everything was over. I hardly slept all night and when I did sleep I had nightmares.
I left for work (I leave before anybody is up in the morning) this morning and felt miserable and later I got an e-mail from my hubby. I was expecting to hear from him and I was expecting to hear what a complete failure of a mother I am and how horrible I am to his children. Basically what I was (and still am) feeling about myself. But I ended up sitting in my office blubbing like a baby at his wonderful e-mail. I won't put it here it’s too personal to share – but he basically told me he understands and he loves me and I am good mother and wife and I must not take anything our son said to heart because he’s at that very difficult age (I keep trying to come up with a word to say how horrible it is – but there aren’t any to put to the sound that comes from my mouth). He blew me away with his letter and made me feel so safe in his love, and also left me with a huge sense of relief that he didn't want to send me packing.
I won’t leave it like this between my son and I though. I will try to speak to him this afternoon when I get home – if he’ll let me. If not then I’ll leave it. I won't force it - but I have to try.
I am sure there is not a parent alive who hasn’t felt like a complete walking disaster. Especially moms. Feeling completely unappreciated and misused. And feeling like you can't do anything right - ever! Walking around with a weight in your stomach that won’t let you eat or sleep or do anything. I mean I know that every mom (parent) feels this way at some point - yet you still feel like you are the only one to ever screw things up.
I only pray that one day he will see that I am also completely human and I make all the right mistakes(??) – some times HUGE ones. But that I never stopped loving him through it all. And I pray that he will forgive me and not carry heavy burdens of anger and bitterness forever in his heart.
And I hope that as a mom - I will start to get it right at !!SOME!! point. Cause I am tired of feeling like I am stumbling around in the dark without a friggin clue... {sigh} "sob"...
He’s at a HORRIBLE age now and full of emotions and testosterone and he doesn’t know what to do with it (I told my hubby that sometimes I wish I was a man so I could understand him better.) – and he takes it out on me - the one who’s NOT his mother and he makes that VERY clear too. And every time I speak to him he bites my head off or mutters at me under his breath or something and it’s been building up in me till I finally exploded…
I then felt so sick from it afterwards that I spoke to my hubby who in turn spoke to our son and who in turn ended up in tears saying how much he hated me and living in our house and, and, and… {sob}
It basically went from bad to worse and I was sure my husband would hate me too after everything was over. I hardly slept all night and when I did sleep I had nightmares.
I left for work (I leave before anybody is up in the morning) this morning and felt miserable and later I got an e-mail from my hubby. I was expecting to hear from him and I was expecting to hear what a complete failure of a mother I am and how horrible I am to his children. Basically what I was (and still am) feeling about myself. But I ended up sitting in my office blubbing like a baby at his wonderful e-mail. I won't put it here it’s too personal to share – but he basically told me he understands and he loves me and I am good mother and wife and I must not take anything our son said to heart because he’s at that very difficult age (I keep trying to come up with a word to say how horrible it is – but there aren’t any to put to the sound that comes from my mouth). He blew me away with his letter and made me feel so safe in his love, and also left me with a huge sense of relief that he didn't want to send me packing.
I won’t leave it like this between my son and I though. I will try to speak to him this afternoon when I get home – if he’ll let me. If not then I’ll leave it. I won't force it - but I have to try.
I am sure there is not a parent alive who hasn’t felt like a complete walking disaster. Especially moms. Feeling completely unappreciated and misused. And feeling like you can't do anything right - ever! Walking around with a weight in your stomach that won’t let you eat or sleep or do anything. I mean I know that every mom (parent) feels this way at some point - yet you still feel like you are the only one to ever screw things up.
I only pray that one day he will see that I am also completely human and I make all the right mistakes(??) – some times HUGE ones. But that I never stopped loving him through it all. And I pray that he will forgive me and not carry heavy burdens of anger and bitterness forever in his heart.
And I hope that as a mom - I will start to get it right at !!SOME!! point. Cause I am tired of feeling like I am stumbling around in the dark without a friggin clue... {sigh} "sob"...
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