I have got 3 1/2 days of work left before I go on a bit of leave. I. Cannot. Wait. I am so looking forward to spending time with my boys and my family and just doing stuff I never get a chance to do or just doing as little as possible.
We are not going away this year and the kids are not going to their mom. They still haven't spoken to her since her little break down / blow up.
On Sunday the 13th we are going to the in-laws for a Christmas lunch - yummeeee, can't wait for that. And on the 16th we are going to my sister to celebrate her birfday, I am looking forward to that - BIG TIME.
I was going to go to Durbs for a wedding on the 18th, but I am not going anymore - logistics etc just not working. But my hubby is taking the two younger boys fishing and our oldest is going to spend the weekend with his Ouma and get a bit of spoiling in (and I will ask her on the down low to speak to him about his mother - he listens to her, sometimes) so I will be home alone.
So, what can I do with my weekend alone?
Any ideas??
please.
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
No Sunshine. No warmth. Winter clothes and blankets – IN THE MIDDLE OF FRIGGIN NOVEMBER!!!
What’s the deal?? I am not supposed to be sleeping with a duvet and a blanket or wearing winter woolies and socks and jerseys in the middle of November!
Winter has hi-jacked summer. Don’t get me wrong, I love the rain and I love to snuggle down under a blanky and watch a movie with my hubby – but this is just weird. It’s 11:00pm in the middle of November and it’s 10°C, cold, grey, windy and rainy…
For any South African - thats weird...
What’s the deal?? I am not supposed to be sleeping with a duvet and a blanket or wearing winter woolies and socks and jerseys in the middle of November!
Winter has hi-jacked summer. Don’t get me wrong, I love the rain and I love to snuggle down under a blanky and watch a movie with my hubby – but this is just weird. It’s 11:00pm in the middle of November and it’s 10°C, cold, grey, windy and rainy…
For any South African - thats weird...
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
WHAT A WEEKEND!
We went camping! I took my second eldest and my youngest and we went camping with our church community. The place was called Tempel Warmbron just outside Nylstroom. It is an absolutely gorgeous place!
We arrived on Friday evening and when I went to sign in the lady at the reception desk said cheerfully: “You must be Brigitte!” Well I was impressed; she even knew who I was! But it was only because she was waiting for me as I was the last one to arrive. LOL!!
We drove into the grounds and then the kids were so excited they could hardly contain themselves in the car! My two boys were camping in a tent and I was staying in a chalet with a friend from church and her two little ones.
Let me tell you, this place will definitely see me again. The camping grounds are amazing. You camp on lawns – not dusty dry ground – amongst so many trees. And then the ablutions for the campers were five star. Beautifully finished interiors with sensors in the lights so that they turn on when you walk in. There were two showers in each ablution house. Standing at angles to each other with “bar” swing doors to close off the shower area where there was room for you to dry off and dress after your shower.
And that is just the camp site area. (But wait, there’s more!) There is also a bamboo lapa where you can braai or “kuier” if you like with a big cement slab loaded with wood to make a bon/camp fire if you like. And if you have a caravan they cater for that very well too.
The chalets were also amazing! So beautifully furnished and finished inside and fully equipped. Fridge, microwave, stove and oven, linen, bathroom, fan crockery and cutlery. All we had to pack for the chalets was food and towels. And each chalet has its own veranda and braai area. There are 4 sleeper chalets, and six sleeper chalets – so the bigger, the better. There is a beautiful big thatched lapa with communal fridge and freezer and a boma where you can make big camp fires at night.
Then for the kids there are warm and cold swimming pools, miniature golf, a giant chess board, a trampoline, obstacle coarse, jungle gym and swings play area, volley ball court, Poole tables and TV room (in case of rainy weather) and easy walking trails up the hill behind the camp grounds. Over one of the pools they have place a log – which made for lots of games (contests) of strength and balance and laughter.
I hardly ever saw my kids, they were almost permanently in the swimming pool (the heated one) and I was sure they would grow webbed feet and hands as well as fins. I had to find them for meals. I would take them to their tent at night to tuck them for bed – always at around 10:00pm. And they would be exhausted from swimming and running around from trampoline to swimming pool etc, etc. But they would be up and in the pool at 6:00am the next morning. LOL! They had an absolute ball. So did I, I loved the venue and the company.
None of us wanted to come back home…
Temple – we will be back!!
We arrived on Friday evening and when I went to sign in the lady at the reception desk said cheerfully: “You must be Brigitte!” Well I was impressed; she even knew who I was! But it was only because she was waiting for me as I was the last one to arrive. LOL!!
We drove into the grounds and then the kids were so excited they could hardly contain themselves in the car! My two boys were camping in a tent and I was staying in a chalet with a friend from church and her two little ones.
Let me tell you, this place will definitely see me again. The camping grounds are amazing. You camp on lawns – not dusty dry ground – amongst so many trees. And then the ablutions for the campers were five star. Beautifully finished interiors with sensors in the lights so that they turn on when you walk in. There were two showers in each ablution house. Standing at angles to each other with “bar” swing doors to close off the shower area where there was room for you to dry off and dress after your shower.
And that is just the camp site area. (But wait, there’s more!) There is also a bamboo lapa where you can braai or “kuier” if you like with a big cement slab loaded with wood to make a bon/camp fire if you like. And if you have a caravan they cater for that very well too.
The chalets were also amazing! So beautifully furnished and finished inside and fully equipped. Fridge, microwave, stove and oven, linen, bathroom, fan crockery and cutlery. All we had to pack for the chalets was food and towels. And each chalet has its own veranda and braai area. There are 4 sleeper chalets, and six sleeper chalets – so the bigger, the better. There is a beautiful big thatched lapa with communal fridge and freezer and a boma where you can make big camp fires at night.
Then for the kids there are warm and cold swimming pools, miniature golf, a giant chess board, a trampoline, obstacle coarse, jungle gym and swings play area, volley ball court, Poole tables and TV room (in case of rainy weather) and easy walking trails up the hill behind the camp grounds. Over one of the pools they have place a log – which made for lots of games (contests) of strength and balance and laughter.
I hardly ever saw my kids, they were almost permanently in the swimming pool (the heated one) and I was sure they would grow webbed feet and hands as well as fins. I had to find them for meals. I would take them to their tent at night to tuck them for bed – always at around 10:00pm. And they would be exhausted from swimming and running around from trampoline to swimming pool etc, etc. But they would be up and in the pool at 6:00am the next morning. LOL! They had an absolute ball. So did I, I loved the venue and the company.
None of us wanted to come back home…
Temple – we will be back!!
Sunday, October 4, 2009
SHOCKING TRUTH
Well, if that was the weekend, then we had it. It started off on Thursday night when Hubby and I drove our oldest boys to their Mother in Rustenburg to visit with her until Sunday. On Friday my youngest spent the day with my Brother and his Fiancé. I fetched him after work (we got off early – nice surprise) and then hubby and I decided we’d take Donny to dinner and a movie seeing as it was just the three of us. We bought tickets for UP and went to Spur for supper. After supper we roamed the mall a little and hubby and Donny played some games in the arcade and then we headed to the movie theater. We were halfway through the movie when my phone rang. (Thank God I had it with me as hubby had decided to leave his phone at home). It was Mark, our oldest. Hubby answered and went out of the theatre to call him back. “Something is wrong” he said before doing so. He came back inside just a few moments later and said we had to go. He will have to take Donny and me home because he has to go immediately and fetch the two boys. Their mother has been drinking and she has turned violent and verbally abusive. (She is an alcoholic and has been sober for almost a year, after she fell off the wagon after ± three years sobriety).
Our boys have never seen her like this. They know she has a problem and they knew she was drinking again about a year ago (if it was even that long ago) but they didn’t visit with her except if she was in rehab. I did all I could to help her get into a rehab last time, but it was no good. Anyway, we didn’t know or even suspect that she was drinking again this time, we would never have let them go if we did and they would not have wanted to go because they told her last time if she is hitting the bottle they won’t visit her. Maybe that’s why we didn’t know.
So, on Friday she was drinking and she got into a fight with her friend that she lives with, physically and even smashed a coffee mug on her back. She was verbally abusive about me, my hubby and everybody she could think of. She even told Mark he looked ugly. It totally freaked Mark (our oldest) out. He has always seen his mother as someone who can do no wrong. And he has adored her always – it was his idea to go and visit, he initiated the visit. He is very disappointed and disgusted with her.
Her behaviour, language, rage and abuse was truly shocking for them both.
I was so thankful and relieved when they came home after midnight on Friday night. I just pray that they are able to forgive her and not hold on to their hurt and anger. She is the way she is because of all that anger she carries in her heart – and I don’t want that to happen to them. She is and will always be their mother and they will need to speak to her again at some point. She has done a lot of damage and I don’t know how she is going to undo it. I can encourage them to speak to her when and if she calls – but it is ultimately up to them.
Now Mark understands, at least a little better, why he lives with his father and me and also why his father divorced her. I do believe they thought he was exaggerating when he told them how she could be.
I am just so very sorry they had to see the harsh truth for themselves, alone like that. I have always been afraid that something like this would happen. But I spose you can't protect anybody from the truth forever...
Our boys have never seen her like this. They know she has a problem and they knew she was drinking again about a year ago (if it was even that long ago) but they didn’t visit with her except if she was in rehab. I did all I could to help her get into a rehab last time, but it was no good. Anyway, we didn’t know or even suspect that she was drinking again this time, we would never have let them go if we did and they would not have wanted to go because they told her last time if she is hitting the bottle they won’t visit her. Maybe that’s why we didn’t know.
So, on Friday she was drinking and she got into a fight with her friend that she lives with, physically and even smashed a coffee mug on her back. She was verbally abusive about me, my hubby and everybody she could think of. She even told Mark he looked ugly. It totally freaked Mark (our oldest) out. He has always seen his mother as someone who can do no wrong. And he has adored her always – it was his idea to go and visit, he initiated the visit. He is very disappointed and disgusted with her.
Her behaviour, language, rage and abuse was truly shocking for them both.
I was so thankful and relieved when they came home after midnight on Friday night. I just pray that they are able to forgive her and not hold on to their hurt and anger. She is the way she is because of all that anger she carries in her heart – and I don’t want that to happen to them. She is and will always be their mother and they will need to speak to her again at some point. She has done a lot of damage and I don’t know how she is going to undo it. I can encourage them to speak to her when and if she calls – but it is ultimately up to them.
Now Mark understands, at least a little better, why he lives with his father and me and also why his father divorced her. I do believe they thought he was exaggerating when he told them how she could be.
I am just so very sorry they had to see the harsh truth for themselves, alone like that. I have always been afraid that something like this would happen. But I spose you can't protect anybody from the truth forever...
Friday, October 2, 2009
NUDGE-NUDGE, WINK-WINK
The other night my Hubby and my friend were laughing at me cause I can’t wink without screwing up my face – even a little. And so they had a good laugh at my expense.
I forgot about it, but then this morning in the kitchen I was laughing with another lady and she winked about something at me and it got me thinking again about me that can’t wink properly. I headed back to my little office, but to get there I walk through the factory. I was so deep in thought about the whole winking thing that as I was walking I was trying to wink without screwing up my face, and I suddenly realised that the people walking towards me thought something was very funny. Obviously they too were laughing at this crazy lady walking around the factory winking at everyone…
Guess who won’t be winking at anybody again…
LOL!!!
I forgot about it, but then this morning in the kitchen I was laughing with another lady and she winked about something at me and it got me thinking again about me that can’t wink properly. I headed back to my little office, but to get there I walk through the factory. I was so deep in thought about the whole winking thing that as I was walking I was trying to wink without screwing up my face, and I suddenly realised that the people walking towards me thought something was very funny. Obviously they too were laughing at this crazy lady walking around the factory winking at everyone…
Guess who won’t be winking at anybody again…
LOL!!!
Thursday, October 1, 2009
25 Firsts
I stole this off Angel's blog – she said I could!
1. Who was your first prom date?
Well, I only went to one “prom”, and I went with a complete jerk! He rocked up to fetch me with a lump on his forehead the size of a golf ball and he wouldn’t dance with me. His name was Henk. We were friends, so I wasn’t into him – but I was very disappointed that night. About 10 years later I heard through the grapevine that he had decided he was gay. My prom was in a nutshell a DISASTER!!
2. Do you still talk to your first love?
No. He broke my heart so badly it took me YEARS to get over him, I don’t want to talk to him again.
3. What was your first alcoholic drink?
Vodka and orange juice – I think…
4. What was your first job?
I worked at Express Photo Lakeside in the Centurion mall.
5. What was your first car?
A white KIA Picanto – I only just got it recently so I am still driving it!
6. Who was the first person to text you today?
My mom in law! Bless her heart.
7. Who was the first person you thought of this morning?
My Hubby
8. Who was your first grade teacher?
Mrs Horn (I got confused on the first day when my parents asked me her name and I said Mrs. Bull)
9. Where did you go on your first flight in a plane?
If I remember correctly, I was in grade 1 my sister and I flew to Cape Town. I haven’t been on a plane since then… :(
10. Who was your first best friend and do you still talk?
Linda was my first real Best Friend. She lives in Oz, but we still talk over facebook and e-mail, and she is still a very dear friend of mine. I miss her terribly sometimes.
11. Where was your first sleepover?
Probably at Megyn or my grandparents house.
12. Who was the first person you talked to today?
My Hubby
13. Whose wedding were you in for the first time?
It was either my Brother’s or my Sister’s – I can’t remember whose was first…
14. What was the first thing you did this morning?
Jumped in the shower to wake up.
15. What was the first concert you went to?
Haven’t yet.
16. First tattoo?
Don’t have any.
17. First piercing?
I had my ears pierced when I was in about Grad 2 or 3, can’t remember so clearly.
18. First foreign country you went to?
No, none yet.
19. First movie you remember seeing?
Bambi! With my dad and my sister – I vaguely remember that one.
20. What state did you first live in?
I’ve only ever lived in Gauteng
21. Who was your first room mate?
My sister and I were room-mates most of our lives, and then when I moved to Randburg I was roomies with Anthea.
22. When was your first detention?
Grade 5 or 6, I didn’t even know. I received a letter in an envelope for my parents and when my dad read it and told me it was a detention letter I was gob smacked! After that I spent quite a lot of time there LOL!
23. If you had one wish what would it be?
I wish I had worked harder in school.
24. What is one thing you would learn, given the chance?
To play the Piano – like a pro!
25. What was the name of your imaginary friend?
I don’t remember having one, I had a sister to play with. She was FAR better than an imaginary friend!
1. Who was your first prom date?
Well, I only went to one “prom”, and I went with a complete jerk! He rocked up to fetch me with a lump on his forehead the size of a golf ball and he wouldn’t dance with me. His name was Henk. We were friends, so I wasn’t into him – but I was very disappointed that night. About 10 years later I heard through the grapevine that he had decided he was gay. My prom was in a nutshell a DISASTER!!
2. Do you still talk to your first love?
No. He broke my heart so badly it took me YEARS to get over him, I don’t want to talk to him again.
3. What was your first alcoholic drink?
Vodka and orange juice – I think…
4. What was your first job?
I worked at Express Photo Lakeside in the Centurion mall.
5. What was your first car?
A white KIA Picanto – I only just got it recently so I am still driving it!
6. Who was the first person to text you today?
My mom in law! Bless her heart.
7. Who was the first person you thought of this morning?
My Hubby
8. Who was your first grade teacher?
Mrs Horn (I got confused on the first day when my parents asked me her name and I said Mrs. Bull)
9. Where did you go on your first flight in a plane?
If I remember correctly, I was in grade 1 my sister and I flew to Cape Town. I haven’t been on a plane since then… :(
10. Who was your first best friend and do you still talk?
Linda was my first real Best Friend. She lives in Oz, but we still talk over facebook and e-mail, and she is still a very dear friend of mine. I miss her terribly sometimes.
11. Where was your first sleepover?
Probably at Megyn or my grandparents house.
12. Who was the first person you talked to today?
My Hubby
13. Whose wedding were you in for the first time?
It was either my Brother’s or my Sister’s – I can’t remember whose was first…
14. What was the first thing you did this morning?
Jumped in the shower to wake up.
15. What was the first concert you went to?
Haven’t yet.
16. First tattoo?
Don’t have any.
17. First piercing?
I had my ears pierced when I was in about Grad 2 or 3, can’t remember so clearly.
18. First foreign country you went to?
No, none yet.
19. First movie you remember seeing?
Bambi! With my dad and my sister – I vaguely remember that one.
20. What state did you first live in?
I’ve only ever lived in Gauteng
21. Who was your first room mate?
My sister and I were room-mates most of our lives, and then when I moved to Randburg I was roomies with Anthea.
22. When was your first detention?
Grade 5 or 6, I didn’t even know. I received a letter in an envelope for my parents and when my dad read it and told me it was a detention letter I was gob smacked! After that I spent quite a lot of time there LOL!
23. If you had one wish what would it be?
I wish I had worked harder in school.
24. What is one thing you would learn, given the chance?
To play the Piano – like a pro!
25. What was the name of your imaginary friend?
I don’t remember having one, I had a sister to play with. She was FAR better than an imaginary friend!
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
GETTING TO KNOW ME...
I started working at a new company 6 months ago. I am really loving it! We manufacture cosmetics and it is such a cool place to work for.
One thing that I find odd is the way the people here perceive me. Before I worked here I was at a different pharmaceutical company for 11 years, and everybody there knew me well. So I never really experienced “new views” of what kind of impression I leave.
What is so interesting here is that I have been perceived as stuck-up, snobbish and high maintenance. And this is from both men and women. Now I have never thought of myself as any of these, and I am sure that anyone who knows me will say I am not like that either… right???
Just recently I did an e-mail questionnaire at work that a friend sent me. You answer a series of questions and it gives you a little summary of your personality and character. This is what mine said:
You are the Orient-Floral Fragrance
You have a very strong sense of self awareness and your own world. You are not likely to be manipulated. You will use your own strength to actively reach your goals and this gives others the impression of being passionate. You are decisive with friends, and somewhat of a lone-ranger. Those around you will feel that you are a mysterious character. While being mysterious can sometimes be charming, others may feel that they cannot talk to you in a relaxing manner and find you difficult to handle due to your caginess and high self-regard. It even gets to the point where people avoid unnecessary contact with you and stay as far away as possible. The real you is actually rather gentle, but people will only notice your merits when they are very close to you.
This amazed me as I have always seen myself as somebody friendly, approachable and kind.
This is what I say (lemme break it down…):
Yes I do have a strong sense of self awareness, but not in a vain “I love me” way and no, I am not likely to be manipulated. I depend mostly on God to achieve anything as I know that I cannot do anything in my own strength. And if I seem passionate, I hope it’s about God and my relationship with him. He is my strength. I am decisive with friends yes, after all, you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends. But I am not a lone-ranger. I have always felt people may see me as a little mysterious, but it’s because I am a little bit quiet and I don’t just sommer open up about my personal life to everybody I run into. I have not ever felt that people find it hard to talk to me in a relaxing manner most people usually end up telling me their entire life story, and I don’t mind! I don’t think I am cagey and I don’t have a high self regard – in fact I don’t regard myself very highly at all. If people are avoiding contact with me I don’t even know it. LOL!! And the real me really is gentle, I just hope it’s not something that is not easy to see.
You see, that character test was so weird because this is exactly how people have perceived me to be at my new place of employment. I have never experienced anything like it. And it’s not done in an ugly way so I am not falling apart or upset because of it – I am just a little surprised.
I do know my hubby will tell you I am NOT High Maintenance! LOL!!!
And I am sure my family and friends will say I am not stuck-up, snobbish, high manitenance or cagey etc. Nê?
One thing that I find odd is the way the people here perceive me. Before I worked here I was at a different pharmaceutical company for 11 years, and everybody there knew me well. So I never really experienced “new views” of what kind of impression I leave.
What is so interesting here is that I have been perceived as stuck-up, snobbish and high maintenance. And this is from both men and women. Now I have never thought of myself as any of these, and I am sure that anyone who knows me will say I am not like that either… right???
Just recently I did an e-mail questionnaire at work that a friend sent me. You answer a series of questions and it gives you a little summary of your personality and character. This is what mine said:
You are the Orient-Floral Fragrance
You have a very strong sense of self awareness and your own world. You are not likely to be manipulated. You will use your own strength to actively reach your goals and this gives others the impression of being passionate. You are decisive with friends, and somewhat of a lone-ranger. Those around you will feel that you are a mysterious character. While being mysterious can sometimes be charming, others may feel that they cannot talk to you in a relaxing manner and find you difficult to handle due to your caginess and high self-regard. It even gets to the point where people avoid unnecessary contact with you and stay as far away as possible. The real you is actually rather gentle, but people will only notice your merits when they are very close to you.
This amazed me as I have always seen myself as somebody friendly, approachable and kind.
This is what I say (lemme break it down…):
Yes I do have a strong sense of self awareness, but not in a vain “I love me” way and no, I am not likely to be manipulated. I depend mostly on God to achieve anything as I know that I cannot do anything in my own strength. And if I seem passionate, I hope it’s about God and my relationship with him. He is my strength. I am decisive with friends yes, after all, you can’t choose your family, but you can choose your friends. But I am not a lone-ranger. I have always felt people may see me as a little mysterious, but it’s because I am a little bit quiet and I don’t just sommer open up about my personal life to everybody I run into. I have not ever felt that people find it hard to talk to me in a relaxing manner most people usually end up telling me their entire life story, and I don’t mind! I don’t think I am cagey and I don’t have a high self regard – in fact I don’t regard myself very highly at all. If people are avoiding contact with me I don’t even know it. LOL!! And the real me really is gentle, I just hope it’s not something that is not easy to see.
You see, that character test was so weird because this is exactly how people have perceived me to be at my new place of employment. I have never experienced anything like it. And it’s not done in an ugly way so I am not falling apart or upset because of it – I am just a little surprised.
I do know my hubby will tell you I am NOT High Maintenance! LOL!!!
And I am sure my family and friends will say I am not stuck-up, snobbish, high manitenance or cagey etc. Nê?
Thursday, September 3, 2009
BLOODY HORMONAL
I have come to the realization that I am really taking a knock during my PMS period. This week I hit such a low and felt so depressed I actually went and researched it and the causes. Now anyone who knows me will tell you I am not a person who suffers from depression. But lately I get to my PMS “period” (LOL) and I don’t know who I am. The last time I got all emotional and irritable was when I had the big fight with my son (read back a few posts) and it was just before I started my menses. It seems to get to its absolute worst and most dangerous the very day before I start. And I have never experienced anything like it. I know my body, I know myself and I know that during PMS I normally get a backache, cramps, sensitive boobs, and a little bit of irritation. But this lately has been so extreme and it is all so new to me. I feel like I am on a rollercoaster of emotions and I only seem to realise it’s PMS when I start my menses and I feel like me again.
It’s horrible! Horrible. And I feel like I am not in control. My body and my brain just do what they want.
I shudder to think what menopause will be like…
I am definitely going to go and see my doctor and find out what she says about it.
It’s horrible! Horrible. And I feel like I am not in control. My body and my brain just do what they want.
I shudder to think what menopause will be like…
I am definitely going to go and see my doctor and find out what she says about it.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
BEAUTY QUEEN MATERIAL ??
I have to share this story here because I thought it was very funny. This morning in the ladies room one of the women who I work with, and have become quite fond of, asked me if I was ever a Beauty Queen. I laughed out loud at her question and then realized she was serious!! I managed to control myself and told her no, I had never been a beauty queen – stifling my laughter. ‘Oh, she said, you look like Beauty Queen Material to me.’ I laughed again and told her she was very sweet, and I thanked her for the compliment. But I have to say I still find it funny. I keep picturing myself in a swim suit or something up on a stage – it would be a HYSTERICAL sight!!!
Whoodofthunkit – me, Beauty Queen Material… A lovely compliment – but funny none the less.
Thanks 'S' for making my day!!
Whoodofthunkit – me, Beauty Queen Material… A lovely compliment – but funny none the less.
Thanks 'S' for making my day!!
Thursday, August 20, 2009
SMELLY SITUATION
How do I tell my 16 year old he smells bad? At first I thought it was just me who could smell it – cause I have a very sensitive nose, but it turns out it’s not. A friend of mine was visiting last night and when she left he was in the lounge and she asked me what smelt so funny. I shrugged and she said (with a chuckle) “I think it may be your son.”
I realised he really does smell bad. (yikes!!)
OH WOE IS ME!!! To be the one who has to deal with this.
He does shower everyday and he washes his hair everyday too. But he plays soccer – everyday. Last night he had just come home from practice as my friend was leaving and he was sweaty. Very sweaty. But, he went to bed like that. Gugh!!!
And when I open his door in the morning to wake him up it’s like a wave that hits me in the face – that’s how bad it gets. His room always smells sweaty. It’s really gross.
I thought he would get some savvy on his own, but he hasn’t so I guess it’s up to me.
I will have to wait till I get him alone and tell him as nicely as possible – and without embarrassing him that he may want to consider showering or bathing after practices and before school in the morning – basically twice a day, instead of just once. It’s strange cause he’s SO pedantic about his appearance that I am surprised by this behaviour.
I could just come right out and say
“Hey, dude you REEK, you should like shower a little more often dontcha think? Chicks will dig you if you do.”
But I have a sense that this may require a little more tact than that – after all he does have a very fragile male ego…
Any tips anyone?
I realised he really does smell bad. (yikes!!)
OH WOE IS ME!!! To be the one who has to deal with this.
He does shower everyday and he washes his hair everyday too. But he plays soccer – everyday. Last night he had just come home from practice as my friend was leaving and he was sweaty. Very sweaty. But, he went to bed like that. Gugh!!!
And when I open his door in the morning to wake him up it’s like a wave that hits me in the face – that’s how bad it gets. His room always smells sweaty. It’s really gross.
I thought he would get some savvy on his own, but he hasn’t so I guess it’s up to me.
I will have to wait till I get him alone and tell him as nicely as possible – and without embarrassing him that he may want to consider showering or bathing after practices and before school in the morning – basically twice a day, instead of just once. It’s strange cause he’s SO pedantic about his appearance that I am surprised by this behaviour.
I could just come right out and say
“Hey, dude you REEK, you should like shower a little more often dontcha think? Chicks will dig you if you do.”
But I have a sense that this may require a little more tact than that – after all he does have a very fragile male ego…
Any tips anyone?
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
RETREAT FOR MOMMIES?
Is there a place tired worn out mommies can go for a break?
A place where you can sleep through the night without being disturbed and where you can sleep until you wake up – not until you are woken by a hungry cry or some kind of disaster.
Is there a place where mommies can go to get away from the daily mundane chores and duties? Where there is no laundry to do or meals to cook or cleaning to be done?
Is there a place where there are no children fighting and bickering with one another over the volume of the TV or the colour of the sky.
A place where mommies who have been run ragged can go to recoup and refresh their minds. To gather themselves and heal their hearts and minds from the emotional battering they get from being a mom. A place where it is quiet and calm and nobody rushes anywhere - ever.
A place where you don’t have to spend the day planning what you are going to make for dinner tonight with the bits and pieces left in your grocery cupboard cause the end of the month is just around the corner and you haven’t managed to get the store yet.
A place where there is no homework assignments left till the last minute or teachers sending letters requesting to see you about your child’s progress cause they are worried about him or her.
I doubt there is such a place, because mommies who go there would not be able to just sit back and do nothing without worrying about their children and wondering if they are getting to bed on time, getting fed and bathed properly and more than anything missing them so much that their hearts just might break. A mother’s work is never done. We do not know how to stop being mom’s even if there were such a place to go to for a few days. I know that for me the one thing that usually keeps me going, no matter how tired and worn out and miserable I am – is my children. Being with them, holding them, laughing with them, talking with them. They are the reason we want to live and sometimes also the reason we want to quit.
No, I don’t want to stop being a mommy – I just want a break, a time out, a get away so I can pull myself together because I am feeling like I am spreading myself so thin and there is not enough of me to go around anymore. I just want a coupla days off of being a mom – is it too much to ask?
And does it make me a bad mommy?
Does anyone understand what I am trying to say…?
A place where you can sleep through the night without being disturbed and where you can sleep until you wake up – not until you are woken by a hungry cry or some kind of disaster.
Is there a place where mommies can go to get away from the daily mundane chores and duties? Where there is no laundry to do or meals to cook or cleaning to be done?
Is there a place where there are no children fighting and bickering with one another over the volume of the TV or the colour of the sky.
A place where mommies who have been run ragged can go to recoup and refresh their minds. To gather themselves and heal their hearts and minds from the emotional battering they get from being a mom. A place where it is quiet and calm and nobody rushes anywhere - ever.
A place where you don’t have to spend the day planning what you are going to make for dinner tonight with the bits and pieces left in your grocery cupboard cause the end of the month is just around the corner and you haven’t managed to get the store yet.
A place where there is no homework assignments left till the last minute or teachers sending letters requesting to see you about your child’s progress cause they are worried about him or her.
I doubt there is such a place, because mommies who go there would not be able to just sit back and do nothing without worrying about their children and wondering if they are getting to bed on time, getting fed and bathed properly and more than anything missing them so much that their hearts just might break. A mother’s work is never done. We do not know how to stop being mom’s even if there were such a place to go to for a few days. I know that for me the one thing that usually keeps me going, no matter how tired and worn out and miserable I am – is my children. Being with them, holding them, laughing with them, talking with them. They are the reason we want to live and sometimes also the reason we want to quit.
No, I don’t want to stop being a mommy – I just want a break, a time out, a get away so I can pull myself together because I am feeling like I am spreading myself so thin and there is not enough of me to go around anymore. I just want a coupla days off of being a mom – is it too much to ask?
And does it make me a bad mommy?
Does anyone understand what I am trying to say…?
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
PEACE ON THE HOMEFRONT
To get straight into it, I went home on Friday after work after a very emotional day feeling more than a little apprehensive. I had decided I was going to speak to my oldest son and make my apologies for my behavior – even if he won’t.
I got home and he was – as usual – glued to his bloody cell phone. He doesn’t greet btw, ever. I said hello and he grunted. “This is going to be pleasant.” I thought to myself. I gave myself a few moments gathered my courage and walked into his room.
Let me paint a picture: He is sitting almost doubled over in his desk chair completely engrossed in whatever it is he’s doing on his cell phone. He won’t turn and look me in the eye he just kind of turns his head and sort of squints at me (When I begin to speak). He looked a bit like a hunch back gargoyle – was what I was thinking to myself.
I start of by telling him I am sorry for blowing my top at him last night and that I did indeed over react – but then again we both did. (He nods slightly). I tell him I am sorry for raising my hand to him too. I tell him that he must stop thinking that I hate him because he is SO very wrong about that. I tell him that I am actually proud of the young man he has become and of the way he is with his brothers. I am proud of the accomplishments he has made in his sport too and of how he hasn’t given in to peer pressure. I tell him (again) that for all the times I screwed up when he was a little boy (and I made some COLOSSAL screw ups as anew Stepmommy) I am so deeply sorry and that it is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. It is my burden to carry and I hope that he can find it in his heart one day to forgive me because I don’t want him to walk around with anger and unforgiveness in his heart for the rest of his life because that is just unhealthy for him. But that if he can’t forgive me that’s his burden to carry and not mine.
He didn’t say a word the entire time; he didn’t sit up or move much really. He just stayed hunched over squinting up at me from that position, he nodded every now and then and that’s all. Later my hubby phoned and asked what had happened and had I spoken to our oldest and I said I had. ‘Did he apologise?’ he asked. I said no, he never said a thing, but I told him I had. When he becomes a real man one day I hope he will be able to admit when he was wrong and say sorry – because that is harder to do than to get into a fight with somebody. It is something he is very stubborn and proud about and will have to learn to do one day – hopefully sooner than later.
My hubby did tell him that he is not to talk back to me or snap at me or anything like that under any circumstance. He is to have respect for me even if he doesn’t like or care for me. I am his wife and that will never change and he expects me to be respected and obeyed in his absence. That is happening now, and he actually talks to me, and not only when he wants something. I just can’t help wondering how long it will be before he starts to revert back.
One day he will become a man and he will grow up, and I look forward to that day. I will feel like he has made his greatest accomplishment on that day and I will celebrate it!
I will never stop being a mother to him – it’s all I’ve done for 11 years. I love him and I want to see him successful and happy. I will always be there for him when he is in need. And I have always told him that he will always be welcome in my house – if the whole world turns against him, I will always believe in him and support him. That will never change – and hopefully one day he will see that.
I got home and he was – as usual – glued to his bloody cell phone. He doesn’t greet btw, ever. I said hello and he grunted. “This is going to be pleasant.” I thought to myself. I gave myself a few moments gathered my courage and walked into his room.
Let me paint a picture: He is sitting almost doubled over in his desk chair completely engrossed in whatever it is he’s doing on his cell phone. He won’t turn and look me in the eye he just kind of turns his head and sort of squints at me (When I begin to speak). He looked a bit like a hunch back gargoyle – was what I was thinking to myself.
I start of by telling him I am sorry for blowing my top at him last night and that I did indeed over react – but then again we both did. (He nods slightly). I tell him I am sorry for raising my hand to him too. I tell him that he must stop thinking that I hate him because he is SO very wrong about that. I tell him that I am actually proud of the young man he has become and of the way he is with his brothers. I am proud of the accomplishments he has made in his sport too and of how he hasn’t given in to peer pressure. I tell him (again) that for all the times I screwed up when he was a little boy (and I made some COLOSSAL screw ups as anew Stepmommy) I am so deeply sorry and that it is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life. It is my burden to carry and I hope that he can find it in his heart one day to forgive me because I don’t want him to walk around with anger and unforgiveness in his heart for the rest of his life because that is just unhealthy for him. But that if he can’t forgive me that’s his burden to carry and not mine.
He didn’t say a word the entire time; he didn’t sit up or move much really. He just stayed hunched over squinting up at me from that position, he nodded every now and then and that’s all. Later my hubby phoned and asked what had happened and had I spoken to our oldest and I said I had. ‘Did he apologise?’ he asked. I said no, he never said a thing, but I told him I had. When he becomes a real man one day I hope he will be able to admit when he was wrong and say sorry – because that is harder to do than to get into a fight with somebody. It is something he is very stubborn and proud about and will have to learn to do one day – hopefully sooner than later.
My hubby did tell him that he is not to talk back to me or snap at me or anything like that under any circumstance. He is to have respect for me even if he doesn’t like or care for me. I am his wife and that will never change and he expects me to be respected and obeyed in his absence. That is happening now, and he actually talks to me, and not only when he wants something. I just can’t help wondering how long it will be before he starts to revert back.
One day he will become a man and he will grow up, and I look forward to that day. I will feel like he has made his greatest accomplishment on that day and I will celebrate it!
I will never stop being a mother to him – it’s all I’ve done for 11 years. I love him and I want to see him successful and happy. I will always be there for him when he is in need. And I have always told him that he will always be welcome in my house – if the whole world turns against him, I will always believe in him and support him. That will never change – and hopefully one day he will see that.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Am I a complete disaster??
Last night my step son and I had a HUGE rip roaring fight. I blew my top at him over a stupid small little issue, but it’s probably been brewing for a few weeks now and that’s why it all came out last night. I lost it so badly I even tried to hit him (not in his face) – but he’s bigger than me and I wasn’t successful at all. We both shouted and said some pretty nasty stuff. It was horrible.
He’s at a HORRIBLE age now and full of emotions and testosterone and he doesn’t know what to do with it (I told my hubby that sometimes I wish I was a man so I could understand him better.) – and he takes it out on me - the one who’s NOT his mother and he makes that VERY clear too. And every time I speak to him he bites my head off or mutters at me under his breath or something and it’s been building up in me till I finally exploded…
I then felt so sick from it afterwards that I spoke to my hubby who in turn spoke to our son and who in turn ended up in tears saying how much he hated me and living in our house and, and, and… {sob}
It basically went from bad to worse and I was sure my husband would hate me too after everything was over. I hardly slept all night and when I did sleep I had nightmares.
I left for work (I leave before anybody is up in the morning) this morning and felt miserable and later I got an e-mail from my hubby. I was expecting to hear from him and I was expecting to hear what a complete failure of a mother I am and how horrible I am to his children. Basically what I was (and still am) feeling about myself. But I ended up sitting in my office blubbing like a baby at his wonderful e-mail. I won't put it here it’s too personal to share – but he basically told me he understands and he loves me and I am good mother and wife and I must not take anything our son said to heart because he’s at that very difficult age (I keep trying to come up with a word to say how horrible it is – but there aren’t any to put to the sound that comes from my mouth). He blew me away with his letter and made me feel so safe in his love, and also left me with a huge sense of relief that he didn't want to send me packing.
I won’t leave it like this between my son and I though. I will try to speak to him this afternoon when I get home – if he’ll let me. If not then I’ll leave it. I won't force it - but I have to try.
I am sure there is not a parent alive who hasn’t felt like a complete walking disaster. Especially moms. Feeling completely unappreciated and misused. And feeling like you can't do anything right - ever! Walking around with a weight in your stomach that won’t let you eat or sleep or do anything. I mean I know that every mom (parent) feels this way at some point - yet you still feel like you are the only one to ever screw things up.
I only pray that one day he will see that I am also completely human and I make all the right mistakes(??) – some times HUGE ones. But that I never stopped loving him through it all. And I pray that he will forgive me and not carry heavy burdens of anger and bitterness forever in his heart.
And I hope that as a mom - I will start to get it right at !!SOME!! point. Cause I am tired of feeling like I am stumbling around in the dark without a friggin clue... {sigh} "sob"...
He’s at a HORRIBLE age now and full of emotions and testosterone and he doesn’t know what to do with it (I told my hubby that sometimes I wish I was a man so I could understand him better.) – and he takes it out on me - the one who’s NOT his mother and he makes that VERY clear too. And every time I speak to him he bites my head off or mutters at me under his breath or something and it’s been building up in me till I finally exploded…
I then felt so sick from it afterwards that I spoke to my hubby who in turn spoke to our son and who in turn ended up in tears saying how much he hated me and living in our house and, and, and… {sob}
It basically went from bad to worse and I was sure my husband would hate me too after everything was over. I hardly slept all night and when I did sleep I had nightmares.
I left for work (I leave before anybody is up in the morning) this morning and felt miserable and later I got an e-mail from my hubby. I was expecting to hear from him and I was expecting to hear what a complete failure of a mother I am and how horrible I am to his children. Basically what I was (and still am) feeling about myself. But I ended up sitting in my office blubbing like a baby at his wonderful e-mail. I won't put it here it’s too personal to share – but he basically told me he understands and he loves me and I am good mother and wife and I must not take anything our son said to heart because he’s at that very difficult age (I keep trying to come up with a word to say how horrible it is – but there aren’t any to put to the sound that comes from my mouth). He blew me away with his letter and made me feel so safe in his love, and also left me with a huge sense of relief that he didn't want to send me packing.
I won’t leave it like this between my son and I though. I will try to speak to him this afternoon when I get home – if he’ll let me. If not then I’ll leave it. I won't force it - but I have to try.
I am sure there is not a parent alive who hasn’t felt like a complete walking disaster. Especially moms. Feeling completely unappreciated and misused. And feeling like you can't do anything right - ever! Walking around with a weight in your stomach that won’t let you eat or sleep or do anything. I mean I know that every mom (parent) feels this way at some point - yet you still feel like you are the only one to ever screw things up.
I only pray that one day he will see that I am also completely human and I make all the right mistakes(??) – some times HUGE ones. But that I never stopped loving him through it all. And I pray that he will forgive me and not carry heavy burdens of anger and bitterness forever in his heart.
And I hope that as a mom - I will start to get it right at !!SOME!! point. Cause I am tired of feeling like I am stumbling around in the dark without a friggin clue... {sigh} "sob"...
Thursday, July 23, 2009
SIXTYNINE; 69
1. Are your parents married or divorced? Yes, 35 years this year!!
2. Are you a vegetarian? Absolutely NOT!!
3. Do you believe in Heaven? 100%, it’s where I’m going one day.
4. Have you ever come close to dying? No – thank God.
5. What jewelry do you wear? Earings. Necklaces, watches, bracelets, rings etc
6. Favorite time of day? HOME TIME!!
7. Do you eat the stems of broccoli? I don’t eat broccoli…
8. Do you wear makeup? Yes – won’t leave home without it
9. Ever have plastic surgery? Not yet, but I plan to one day.
10. Do you color your hair? Yes – every month because I am so horribly grey..
11. What do you wear to bed? P.J’s – DUH!
12. Have you ever done anything illegal? Uuum, ja. I guess I have.
13. Can you roll your tongue? YIP – both ways!!
14. Do you tweeze your eyebrows? Yes, I tweeze and tint them myself.
15. What kind of sneakers? Anything that looks pretty or cool.
16. Do you still own vinyl? No – my folks do though…
17. What is your hair color? At the moment it is an auburn colour – but I am changing it tomorrow.
18. Future child’s name? If there was ever a little girl I would like Naomi, Rachel and Hadassah
19. Do you snore? When I have a cold I do.
20. If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? Croatia islands
21. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No, I have a hubby.
22. If I won the lottery… I would shop, shop, shop till I drop and that’s the truth!
23. Gold or silver? Both.
24. Hamburger or hot dog? Burger – yummy!!
25. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Pizza
26. City, beach or country? Country
27. What was the last thing you touched? Besides my keyboard, the phone on my desk.
28. Where did you eat last? At home, the last place I ate out at was Spur with the family. Not one of my favourite spots – but cheaper to go there with a whole family.
29. When’s the last time you cried? Uuum, Saturday when I watched The Women.
30. Do you read blogs? Yes. I have one too but I never get to it…
31. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? Only if it was a themed party I was going out to.
32. Ever been involved with the police? No.
33. Whats your favorite shampoo, conditioner and soap? I change shampoo & conditioner regularly. I am loving Sunsilk Anti-Breakage system shampoo, conditioner and treatment. And I love the palmolove purple body wash.
34. Do you talk in your sleep? No, not that I know.
35. Ocean or pool? Ocean. But in the summer holidays the boys and I love to take pic-nic basket own to the pool and laze around there all day.
36. What’s your favorite song at the moment? Don’t know what it’s called but I would say it’s called Relentless love by Misty some or other…
37. Hey!!! Where’s the question for#37…
38. What is your favorite colour/s? I am loving the new green thang that’s all over, and I love black and read and purple.
39. Ever met anyone famous? No…
40. Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life? Not yet. I feel like I would love to do something big, like get a degree or something…
41. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl it.
42. Ricki Lake or Oprah? Neither, Ricki is SO fake and Oprah is just so worldly…
43. Basketball or Football? Rugby and Cricket!!
44. How long do your showers last? Not too long, depending on who still has to shower.
45. Automatic, or do you drive a stick? Uhh, a stick??
46. Cake or ice cream? ICE-CREAM please!!
47. Are you self-conscious? Yes, I am.
48. Have you ever drank so much you threw up? YES!!! I did – once and NEVER again.
49. Have you ever given money to a tramp? Yes, I have now and then.
50. Have you been in love? I have and I am.
51. Where do you wish you were? Somewhere quiet and peaceful with my hubby.
52. Are you wearing socks? No – tights.
53. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Yes, sadly I have.
54. Can you tango? No – not even to save my life!!
55. Last gift you received? Uuuum, a chocolate from my colleague
56. Last sport you played? Volleyball.
57. Things you spend a lot of money on? My kids.
58. Where do you live? In Centurion.
59. Where were you born? In Pretoria
60. Last wedding attended? My cousins’ wedding in March.
61. Favorite alcoholic drink? Love Vodka and tonic water and Cosmos
62. What’d you do last weekend? I watched movies, visited friends, went to music practice, went to church,
63. Most hated food/s? Broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts etc
64. What’s your least favourite chore?Sorting and folding washing
65. Can you sing? Yes, I am on our worship team at church as a vocalist. I can sing – I love to sing. I am ALWAYS singing…
66. Last person you instant messaged? Is that like a text message?? If it is then: Candy.
67. Last place you went on holiday? Holiday – now that I haven’t done for years…
68. Favorite regular drink? Water
69. Current crush? No one. I am married now I don’t have crushes… OK – Matthew McHoney, Patrick Dempsey; Hugh Jackman…
2. Are you a vegetarian? Absolutely NOT!!
3. Do you believe in Heaven? 100%, it’s where I’m going one day.
4. Have you ever come close to dying? No – thank God.
5. What jewelry do you wear? Earings. Necklaces, watches, bracelets, rings etc
6. Favorite time of day? HOME TIME!!
7. Do you eat the stems of broccoli? I don’t eat broccoli…
8. Do you wear makeup? Yes – won’t leave home without it
9. Ever have plastic surgery? Not yet, but I plan to one day.
10. Do you color your hair? Yes – every month because I am so horribly grey..
11. What do you wear to bed? P.J’s – DUH!
12. Have you ever done anything illegal? Uuum, ja. I guess I have.
13. Can you roll your tongue? YIP – both ways!!
14. Do you tweeze your eyebrows? Yes, I tweeze and tint them myself.
15. What kind of sneakers? Anything that looks pretty or cool.
16. Do you still own vinyl? No – my folks do though…
17. What is your hair color? At the moment it is an auburn colour – but I am changing it tomorrow.
18. Future child’s name? If there was ever a little girl I would like Naomi, Rachel and Hadassah
19. Do you snore? When I have a cold I do.
20. If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be? Croatia islands
21. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? No, I have a hubby.
22. If I won the lottery… I would shop, shop, shop till I drop and that’s the truth!
23. Gold or silver? Both.
24. Hamburger or hot dog? Burger – yummy!!
25. If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be? Pizza
26. City, beach or country? Country
27. What was the last thing you touched? Besides my keyboard, the phone on my desk.
28. Where did you eat last? At home, the last place I ate out at was Spur with the family. Not one of my favourite spots – but cheaper to go there with a whole family.
29. When’s the last time you cried? Uuum, Saturday when I watched The Women.
30. Do you read blogs? Yes. I have one too but I never get to it…
31. Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex? Only if it was a themed party I was going out to.
32. Ever been involved with the police? No.
33. Whats your favorite shampoo, conditioner and soap? I change shampoo & conditioner regularly. I am loving Sunsilk Anti-Breakage system shampoo, conditioner and treatment. And I love the palmolove purple body wash.
34. Do you talk in your sleep? No, not that I know.
35. Ocean or pool? Ocean. But in the summer holidays the boys and I love to take pic-nic basket own to the pool and laze around there all day.
36. What’s your favorite song at the moment? Don’t know what it’s called but I would say it’s called Relentless love by Misty some or other…
37. Hey!!! Where’s the question for#37…
38. What is your favorite colour/s? I am loving the new green thang that’s all over, and I love black and read and purple.
39. Ever met anyone famous? No…
40. Do you feel that you’ve had a truly successful life? Not yet. I feel like I would love to do something big, like get a degree or something…
41. Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it? Twirl it.
42. Ricki Lake or Oprah? Neither, Ricki is SO fake and Oprah is just so worldly…
43. Basketball or Football? Rugby and Cricket!!
44. How long do your showers last? Not too long, depending on who still has to shower.
45. Automatic, or do you drive a stick? Uhh, a stick??
46. Cake or ice cream? ICE-CREAM please!!
47. Are you self-conscious? Yes, I am.
48. Have you ever drank so much you threw up? YES!!! I did – once and NEVER again.
49. Have you ever given money to a tramp? Yes, I have now and then.
50. Have you been in love? I have and I am.
51. Where do you wish you were? Somewhere quiet and peaceful with my hubby.
52. Are you wearing socks? No – tights.
53. Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Yes, sadly I have.
54. Can you tango? No – not even to save my life!!
55. Last gift you received? Uuuum, a chocolate from my colleague
56. Last sport you played? Volleyball.
57. Things you spend a lot of money on? My kids.
58. Where do you live? In Centurion.
59. Where were you born? In Pretoria
60. Last wedding attended? My cousins’ wedding in March.
61. Favorite alcoholic drink? Love Vodka and tonic water and Cosmos
62. What’d you do last weekend? I watched movies, visited friends, went to music practice, went to church,
63. Most hated food/s? Broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts etc
64. What’s your least favourite chore?Sorting and folding washing
65. Can you sing? Yes, I am on our worship team at church as a vocalist. I can sing – I love to sing. I am ALWAYS singing…
66. Last person you instant messaged? Is that like a text message?? If it is then: Candy.
67. Last place you went on holiday? Holiday – now that I haven’t done for years…
68. Favorite regular drink? Water
69. Current crush? No one. I am married now I don’t have crushes… OK – Matthew McHoney, Patrick Dempsey; Hugh Jackman…
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
I DARE ALL HUSBANDS
Hubby’s take this challenge and see if you are successful.
This is a guaranteed method to improving your sex life…
When you get home from work give your wifey a cuddle. Help her with the kids – even just a teeny bit. Empty the rubbish bin if it’s full. Be loving towards your kids and use positive words with them. Don’t grope your wife while she is making dinner or washing dishes – give her a warm hug and a deeply meaningful kiss and tell her you love her. Help her with dinner if you can, set the table or help clean up afterwards. If she says she can manage it don’t get offended – she’s not used to your help…
She will shut herself up tighter than a clam if you come home tired and irritable and park your butt in the lounge to watch your favourite sports show and drink 6 beers. Remember if she works a full day she is also tired, the same for stay home moms. It is part of a woman’s nature to put others first – especially if she is a wife and mother. Give her a tiny bit of the same treatment – she deserves it after all.
The words you choose to use in talking to her and your children play a HUGE role in how she feels and responds to you. Harsh words and irritable attitudes will get you nowhere – fast. Women respond to kindness and gentleness. Women come alive when they hear how much they are loved and appreciated. Women are not as visual as men are. Women need time to prepare mentally for sex, men don’t. Especially after a day of work at the office or at home with the kids, we need time to unwind a little. A bit of romance will work wonders. Nothing major – make her a cup of tea or pour her a glass of wine when the kids are in bed, set a bit of a mood. Or offer to put them to bed so she can go and have a bath. YES! That is romantic to a full time mother.
These are just some the small things that actually turn a woman on. Silly as that may seem, it is true.
Remember we are not microwave ovens that can just be turned on at a push of a button – we are like conventional ovens and we take time to warm up. And if you turn the wrong dials your end result can be a disaster. But if you take the time to use the proper buttons and dials we will respond warmly and you will end up having a sweet sticky pudding in the end.
But don’t do it with the intention of getting lucky – do it just to make her feel loved. If you don’t “get any” a sulk and a tantrum will simply undo everything you have tried to accomplish. Especially if it is a new side to you that she has never seen, she will be suspicious and will be waiting to see an ulterior motive. Show her you don’t have one.
When it comes to bedtime hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you – even if she falls asleep there.
A little bit of TLC (as the cliché goes) will go a long way to improving your sex life.
If you keep this up for a few days your wife will begin to see you in a totally different way and you – husbands – will begin to reap the reward. Hopefully it will become a permanent change in your marriage and you will reap the reward regularly…
Try it – I dare you…
This is a guaranteed method to improving your sex life…
When you get home from work give your wifey a cuddle. Help her with the kids – even just a teeny bit. Empty the rubbish bin if it’s full. Be loving towards your kids and use positive words with them. Don’t grope your wife while she is making dinner or washing dishes – give her a warm hug and a deeply meaningful kiss and tell her you love her. Help her with dinner if you can, set the table or help clean up afterwards. If she says she can manage it don’t get offended – she’s not used to your help…
She will shut herself up tighter than a clam if you come home tired and irritable and park your butt in the lounge to watch your favourite sports show and drink 6 beers. Remember if she works a full day she is also tired, the same for stay home moms. It is part of a woman’s nature to put others first – especially if she is a wife and mother. Give her a tiny bit of the same treatment – she deserves it after all.
The words you choose to use in talking to her and your children play a HUGE role in how she feels and responds to you. Harsh words and irritable attitudes will get you nowhere – fast. Women respond to kindness and gentleness. Women come alive when they hear how much they are loved and appreciated. Women are not as visual as men are. Women need time to prepare mentally for sex, men don’t. Especially after a day of work at the office or at home with the kids, we need time to unwind a little. A bit of romance will work wonders. Nothing major – make her a cup of tea or pour her a glass of wine when the kids are in bed, set a bit of a mood. Or offer to put them to bed so she can go and have a bath. YES! That is romantic to a full time mother.
These are just some the small things that actually turn a woman on. Silly as that may seem, it is true.
Remember we are not microwave ovens that can just be turned on at a push of a button – we are like conventional ovens and we take time to warm up. And if you turn the wrong dials your end result can be a disaster. But if you take the time to use the proper buttons and dials we will respond warmly and you will end up having a sweet sticky pudding in the end.
But don’t do it with the intention of getting lucky – do it just to make her feel loved. If you don’t “get any” a sulk and a tantrum will simply undo everything you have tried to accomplish. Especially if it is a new side to you that she has never seen, she will be suspicious and will be waiting to see an ulterior motive. Show her you don’t have one.
When it comes to bedtime hold her tight and tell her how much she means to you – even if she falls asleep there.
A little bit of TLC (as the cliché goes) will go a long way to improving your sex life.
If you keep this up for a few days your wife will begin to see you in a totally different way and you – husbands – will begin to reap the reward. Hopefully it will become a permanent change in your marriage and you will reap the reward regularly…
Try it – I dare you…
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
8 IS ENOUGH
Alrighty then folks, I been tagged by Angel. This is the “8 is Enough Meme” – I will try to do it justice.
Here goes…
8 things I’m looking forward to
1. Going home
2. The Bulls V Chiefs Super 14 Final on Sat
3. My friends visiting on Sat night.
4. The weekend
5. Sleeping late on Sat (prolly wont happen)
6. Church
7. Wednesday night’s prayer meeting
8. Tonight’s visit from Sharlene
8 things I did yesterday
1. Drove to work
2. Checked out face book
3. Worked
4. Forgot my drama club planning in the office
5. Had a Drama club meeting
6. Decided on the music for our first sketch
7. Went to the pharmacy
8. Took Devon home after Drama Club
8 things I wish I could do
1. Be a Stay at home mom
2. Speak a third language
3. Have my own business
4. Home school
5. Stop cursing
6. Read my Bible more
7. Pray more
8. Be more patient
8 shows I watch on TV- this is going to be a difficult one…
1. Las Vegas
2. Survivor China
3. Invasion
4. Ummmmm
5. Ja,
6. I reckon
7. that’s
8. all…
8 people I’m tagging
1. I can’t
2. tag 8
3. people
4. I don’t
5. have that
6. many
7. to tag
8.yet….
Here goes…
8 things I’m looking forward to
1. Going home
2. The Bulls V Chiefs Super 14 Final on Sat
3. My friends visiting on Sat night.
4. The weekend
5. Sleeping late on Sat (prolly wont happen)
6. Church
7. Wednesday night’s prayer meeting
8. Tonight’s visit from Sharlene
8 things I did yesterday
1. Drove to work
2. Checked out face book
3. Worked
4. Forgot my drama club planning in the office
5. Had a Drama club meeting
6. Decided on the music for our first sketch
7. Went to the pharmacy
8. Took Devon home after Drama Club
8 things I wish I could do
1. Be a Stay at home mom
2. Speak a third language
3. Have my own business
4. Home school
5. Stop cursing
6. Read my Bible more
7. Pray more
8. Be more patient
8 shows I watch on TV- this is going to be a difficult one…
1. Las Vegas
2. Survivor China
3. Invasion
4. Ummmmm
5. Ja,
6. I reckon
7. that’s
8. all…
8 people I’m tagging
1. I can’t
2. tag 8
3. people
4. I don’t
5. have that
6. many
7. to tag
8.yet….
Friday, May 22, 2009
NOT ALL BAD
Just thought I would let you all know that these things I am putting up here are mostly things (feeling) I have had on my mind (heart) for quite some time – and just never had anywhere to vent them. I suddenly realised the other day that it may look to anyone reading this blog that I am SO terribly unhappy and that everyday is a fight and a battle…
But it’s not! Actually we are more happy than we are not. And my (step)sons are in fact not unpleasant mean spirited monsters either. I love them both dearly and see them as my children, and so I guess that’s why I take it so hard when things do go a bit "blegh" between us. I take it more personally than I do with my own son. It’s hard to explain, but I know a step parent will understand.
Mark, as I’ve mentioned, is now 16 and I have to admit he is a very normal teenager and is a really well behaved child. He’s not rebellious and his school work and points are always good and he has focus and drive. He is a very handsome young man and both of his little brothers look up to him immensely!
So, these things I am putting up here are mostly things I have been carrying around for quite some time. And after finally taking Angels advice to start a blog I have somewhere to put it all.
So no, things are not ALL bad, all the time.
I suppose we are actually a very normal family.
But it’s not! Actually we are more happy than we are not. And my (step)sons are in fact not unpleasant mean spirited monsters either. I love them both dearly and see them as my children, and so I guess that’s why I take it so hard when things do go a bit "blegh" between us. I take it more personally than I do with my own son. It’s hard to explain, but I know a step parent will understand.
Mark, as I’ve mentioned, is now 16 and I have to admit he is a very normal teenager and is a really well behaved child. He’s not rebellious and his school work and points are always good and he has focus and drive. He is a very handsome young man and both of his little brothers look up to him immensely!
So, these things I am putting up here are mostly things I have been carrying around for quite some time. And after finally taking Angels advice to start a blog I have somewhere to put it all.
So no, things are not ALL bad, all the time.
I suppose we are actually a very normal family.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
GRRRRRR
I need to learn– again – not to sweat the small things. This is SO hard though because so often it seems as if the “small” things are done just to annoy me.
Is that silly?
Does anybody else feel like that?
I don’t have an example to give you that will make sense. It will sound petty and childish. But it’s just the same little things that happen over and over again, and I ask over and over again for it not to happen or for a bit of thought and consideration but I am faced daily with a “couldn’t care less” attitude. I am ignored and to me it’s disrespectful and hurtful. And it makes me angry – which I don’t want.
I know (hope) he will grow up one day and behave differently.
I know (hope) he will stop being so self-centered and begin to show a teeny bit of respect.
I know (hope) he will grow up and try to treat me like a person and not a thing.
I try to always be pleasant and loving. I know he is the child and I am the adult and therefore I should be the example but it just feels to me at times like I am pouring all my time and effort and energy into an empty cause. And so I am not always the “nicest” person either. I don’t deny it.
I am just tired of being treated “nice” when he wants something. It’s manipulative and I sometimes think I should say “no” just to be spiteful, but where will that get me? Sometimes I find myself looking forward to the day he moves out. I know it may sound horrible – but there is such tension in the house when he is there and we all seem to get along better when he’s not there.
Could it be just me?
I know, I made my bed and I gotta lie in it – but I don’t have to like it all the time do I?
Is that silly?
Does anybody else feel like that?
I don’t have an example to give you that will make sense. It will sound petty and childish. But it’s just the same little things that happen over and over again, and I ask over and over again for it not to happen or for a bit of thought and consideration but I am faced daily with a “couldn’t care less” attitude. I am ignored and to me it’s disrespectful and hurtful. And it makes me angry – which I don’t want.
I know (hope) he will grow up one day and behave differently.
I know (hope) he will stop being so self-centered and begin to show a teeny bit of respect.
I know (hope) he will grow up and try to treat me like a person and not a thing.
I try to always be pleasant and loving. I know he is the child and I am the adult and therefore I should be the example but it just feels to me at times like I am pouring all my time and effort and energy into an empty cause. And so I am not always the “nicest” person either. I don’t deny it.
I am just tired of being treated “nice” when he wants something. It’s manipulative and I sometimes think I should say “no” just to be spiteful, but where will that get me? Sometimes I find myself looking forward to the day he moves out. I know it may sound horrible – but there is such tension in the house when he is there and we all seem to get along better when he’s not there.
Could it be just me?
I know, I made my bed and I gotta lie in it – but I don’t have to like it all the time do I?
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
OVERCOMPENSATING
Before I had Donovan I smoked. When I fell pregnant with him I stopped. One time (no, not at band camp…) we had gone away for a fishing weekend together. Happy, (that’s my hubby) myself and all three boys, along with some friends of ours. It was lovely, the kids were playing and enjoying the pine forest and getting fantastically dirty everyday and we – the parents – were enjoying good company and relaxing at the waters edge.
At one point I developed a serious craving for a cigarette. So I decided seeing as we were relaxing and on a little getaway that I would have one. I said as much and asked my friend who was with me for one of hers. Mark was standing nearby and heard this and disappeared suddenly and I soon developed a very unpleasant feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I went to look for him and found him in our bungalow sitting up on the top bunk huddled in a corner. Concerned I asked him what was wrong and he wouldn’t say. I should have left it at that and let him sulk but I didn’t. It finally came out that he was angry at me for having a cigarette because I had stopped and he didn’t like it if I smoked. Shocked by his reaction to this one little ciggy I panicked. I told him I was so sorry and I promised him I would never do it again and so on and so on…
What I didn’t realize back then was that I had handed him the power. I should have said to him that he didn’t have to worry about me smoking, I was only having one or two and that I could do what I wanted because I am an adult and I do not need to explain myself to a 6 year old. But instead I overcompensated to try to keep things good between him and I. And gave him power over me. And he used it over and over again to manipulate me and his father.
I didn’t realize it then, only many years later when looking back on that situation. It wasn’t his fault though, it was mine. He was six and didn’t know better – but I should have. If there is one moment in my life I wish I could go and get a “do–over” on it is that moment.
I know it was a defining moment in our relationship.
At one point I developed a serious craving for a cigarette. So I decided seeing as we were relaxing and on a little getaway that I would have one. I said as much and asked my friend who was with me for one of hers. Mark was standing nearby and heard this and disappeared suddenly and I soon developed a very unpleasant feeling in the pit of my stomach.
I went to look for him and found him in our bungalow sitting up on the top bunk huddled in a corner. Concerned I asked him what was wrong and he wouldn’t say. I should have left it at that and let him sulk but I didn’t. It finally came out that he was angry at me for having a cigarette because I had stopped and he didn’t like it if I smoked. Shocked by his reaction to this one little ciggy I panicked. I told him I was so sorry and I promised him I would never do it again and so on and so on…
What I didn’t realize back then was that I had handed him the power. I should have said to him that he didn’t have to worry about me smoking, I was only having one or two and that I could do what I wanted because I am an adult and I do not need to explain myself to a 6 year old. But instead I overcompensated to try to keep things good between him and I. And gave him power over me. And he used it over and over again to manipulate me and his father.
I didn’t realize it then, only many years later when looking back on that situation. It wasn’t his fault though, it was mine. He was six and didn’t know better – but I should have. If there is one moment in my life I wish I could go and get a “do–over” on it is that moment.
I know it was a defining moment in our relationship.
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
FAVOURITISM
One of the challenges I have faced in being a stepmom is to try and not allow favouritism to creep into my heart and my relationships with the children – especially when I had my own child. Sadly though I don’t think I have succeeded completely with this.
It’s hard to explain. I don’t love my own son “more” than I love the other two boys. I love them all three very VERY much and I truly do consider them to be my children. I would move heaven and earth for them and if the whole world turns against them I will still be there for them. I will never turn them away or shun them – no matter what. I love each boy differently to the other one.
I guess where some people (including myself) would see a “problem” would be in our relationships. (Bear in mind he was already 5 when I married his father) My oldest (step)son has slowly and progressively shut me out. He barely speaks to me and very often will just ignore me if I talk to him. He avoids looking at me and only really talks to me when he wants or needs something. And as a result I have ended up talking less to him too. I have been trying for years to get through the wall he has put up between him and I but he just will not let me in. And I can only hope and pray that one day when he “grows up” – he is 16 already – he will see that I do love him, but it would be so much easier to like him if he would not be so closed to any kind of attempt I make to reach out to him. And so as a result our relationship is less than wonderful. It is strained at times and rather volatile at other times. I still treat him pleasantly, I greet him and when he does look at me I smile at him – it’s never returned. I drive him to soccer and to his friends if he needs me to. I try at times t make conversation with him – usually not successfully, but I will keep trying. That’s why when I read my dear friend Dawn's post titled Fixed I felt like there may very well be hope for him and I one day. I know that the way I behaved when he was very small may have something to do with this, I have told him in words and in a letter that I am so sorry for that and I have decided to win him over with love. Love will prevail here in the end. And forgiveness. I see the wonderful qualities in this young man. He is a wonderful role model to his brothers when it comes to his school work and sport and how he is determined to do well so that he can get somewhere in life. How he studies for exams and does well in his soccer too. His brothers look up to him and want to be like him. And that’s great because he is not interested in alcohol or cigarettes or anything like that. He wants to keep fit and healthy, and both his younger brothers hang on every word and action that comes from Mark. They admire him and he is a good big brother. And I tell him this too.
What does this have to do with favouritism? Well, my relationship with my second oldest (step)son (who I have known since he was 5 months old and he was 18 months when I married his father) is so different. He is open to cuddles and hugs and jokes. He treats me with respect and love and we can chat freely with each other and have other deeper conversations too. My oldest has always said it is favouritism – he sees it that way, but Sean allows me in. He hasn’t put up a wall between us and I can still reach him. He is sweet and playful and funny. It’s hard to not get along better with him than I do with Mark, he is so open to it. I don’t see it as favouritism, I know in my heart it’s not that. I see it as resentment in Marks heart for me. Am I wrong? Sean lets me in.
You see, what I feel in my heart and what Mark believes I feel is very different. I love all three of my boys, but I love each one differently because they are such unique and different people.
I love Mark for his sense of humour, his dedication, his way with his younger brothers and just because I see him as my son. I love him, he has grown up into a very strong and determined young man. I will not stop believing in my heart that he and I will one day also come to a place where we can talk and share and be friends.
Sean I love for his naughtiness, his prankster nature, his easy going nature. I love how he is becoming a young man too. He is often misunderstood by his father and his youngest brother and being the middle child I try very hard not to “forget” about him. I love hoe he will talk to me when something is bugging him – even if it is after a bit of coaxing, he opens up. I love him for his charm and the way he loves just being a kid.
Yes I love my son differently to the way I love my step sons, but I don’t love them less or him more…
I have the same dreams and desires for them as I have for Donovan, I want to see them all grow up and be happy and settled and have prosperous lives and careers and marry women who will love them and make them happy and also in turn know what it is to have children of their own. I pray for their wives and their futures now already and I pray for them too.
I love them the same, but different…
If there are any other Step Parents out there reading this – I hope it makes sense…
It’s hard to explain. I don’t love my own son “more” than I love the other two boys. I love them all three very VERY much and I truly do consider them to be my children. I would move heaven and earth for them and if the whole world turns against them I will still be there for them. I will never turn them away or shun them – no matter what. I love each boy differently to the other one.
I guess where some people (including myself) would see a “problem” would be in our relationships. (Bear in mind he was already 5 when I married his father) My oldest (step)son has slowly and progressively shut me out. He barely speaks to me and very often will just ignore me if I talk to him. He avoids looking at me and only really talks to me when he wants or needs something. And as a result I have ended up talking less to him too. I have been trying for years to get through the wall he has put up between him and I but he just will not let me in. And I can only hope and pray that one day when he “grows up” – he is 16 already – he will see that I do love him, but it would be so much easier to like him if he would not be so closed to any kind of attempt I make to reach out to him. And so as a result our relationship is less than wonderful. It is strained at times and rather volatile at other times. I still treat him pleasantly, I greet him and when he does look at me I smile at him – it’s never returned. I drive him to soccer and to his friends if he needs me to. I try at times t make conversation with him – usually not successfully, but I will keep trying. That’s why when I read my dear friend Dawn's post titled Fixed I felt like there may very well be hope for him and I one day. I know that the way I behaved when he was very small may have something to do with this, I have told him in words and in a letter that I am so sorry for that and I have decided to win him over with love. Love will prevail here in the end. And forgiveness. I see the wonderful qualities in this young man. He is a wonderful role model to his brothers when it comes to his school work and sport and how he is determined to do well so that he can get somewhere in life. How he studies for exams and does well in his soccer too. His brothers look up to him and want to be like him. And that’s great because he is not interested in alcohol or cigarettes or anything like that. He wants to keep fit and healthy, and both his younger brothers hang on every word and action that comes from Mark. They admire him and he is a good big brother. And I tell him this too.
What does this have to do with favouritism? Well, my relationship with my second oldest (step)son (who I have known since he was 5 months old and he was 18 months when I married his father) is so different. He is open to cuddles and hugs and jokes. He treats me with respect and love and we can chat freely with each other and have other deeper conversations too. My oldest has always said it is favouritism – he sees it that way, but Sean allows me in. He hasn’t put up a wall between us and I can still reach him. He is sweet and playful and funny. It’s hard to not get along better with him than I do with Mark, he is so open to it. I don’t see it as favouritism, I know in my heart it’s not that. I see it as resentment in Marks heart for me. Am I wrong? Sean lets me in.
You see, what I feel in my heart and what Mark believes I feel is very different. I love all three of my boys, but I love each one differently because they are such unique and different people.
I love Mark for his sense of humour, his dedication, his way with his younger brothers and just because I see him as my son. I love him, he has grown up into a very strong and determined young man. I will not stop believing in my heart that he and I will one day also come to a place where we can talk and share and be friends.
Sean I love for his naughtiness, his prankster nature, his easy going nature. I love how he is becoming a young man too. He is often misunderstood by his father and his youngest brother and being the middle child I try very hard not to “forget” about him. I love hoe he will talk to me when something is bugging him – even if it is after a bit of coaxing, he opens up. I love him for his charm and the way he loves just being a kid.
Yes I love my son differently to the way I love my step sons, but I don’t love them less or him more…
I have the same dreams and desires for them as I have for Donovan, I want to see them all grow up and be happy and settled and have prosperous lives and careers and marry women who will love them and make them happy and also in turn know what it is to have children of their own. I pray for their wives and their futures now already and I pray for them too.
I love them the same, but different…
If there are any other Step Parents out there reading this – I hope it makes sense…
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
LEARNING CURVE
Once I had the revelation about the different bonds between parents and children and step children I began to realise so may other truths too.
One BIG one was that these two little boys who were now in my care full time were innocent and not responsible for the situation we were in. they never asked for the mommy and daddy to split up and divorce and they never asked for a stepmommy either – none of this was their doing or their fault and there was no reason to validate making them suffer or pay for any of it.
I decided from then on to make my relationship with their mommy a good one and to even make her my friend if possible. I decided that I didn’t want these two small children to be caught in the middle of two mothers who couldn’t or wouldn’t tolerate each other. This was no longer about “us” to me – but about the children and ensuring their happiness. And that meant taking my pride and my own desires and putting it aside. It meant having my husband ex-wife – the mother to my sons – in my home, to visit her children and spend time with them over weekends. It meant making sure the boys remembered her on her birthday and on mothers day and Christmas and Easter etc, etc. It meant sacrificing things I wanted to do with them and allowing her to do it with them instead*. It meant not always having them at home over Christmas Holidays at times.
It has not been easy and I am not trying to bang my own drum here or make myself look like a saint or a martyr – I am none of those believe me. But that small realization was the beginning of a long journey of learning and screwing up and learning and screwing up and learning. And it didn’t all just happen all magically – the way we see combined families in the movies being so happy and successful and living happily ever after – that’s a fairy tale. It involved a lot of tears, fights and reconciling and learning – slowly – to love unconditionally the way I loved my own son.
Eleven years down the line it is a lot easier – but I am still learning…
* that’s a whole other post for next time…
One BIG one was that these two little boys who were now in my care full time were innocent and not responsible for the situation we were in. they never asked for the mommy and daddy to split up and divorce and they never asked for a stepmommy either – none of this was their doing or their fault and there was no reason to validate making them suffer or pay for any of it.
I decided from then on to make my relationship with their mommy a good one and to even make her my friend if possible. I decided that I didn’t want these two small children to be caught in the middle of two mothers who couldn’t or wouldn’t tolerate each other. This was no longer about “us” to me – but about the children and ensuring their happiness. And that meant taking my pride and my own desires and putting it aside. It meant having my husband ex-wife – the mother to my sons – in my home, to visit her children and spend time with them over weekends. It meant making sure the boys remembered her on her birthday and on mothers day and Christmas and Easter etc, etc. It meant sacrificing things I wanted to do with them and allowing her to do it with them instead*. It meant not always having them at home over Christmas Holidays at times.
It has not been easy and I am not trying to bang my own drum here or make myself look like a saint or a martyr – I am none of those believe me. But that small realization was the beginning of a long journey of learning and screwing up and learning and screwing up and learning. And it didn’t all just happen all magically – the way we see combined families in the movies being so happy and successful and living happily ever after – that’s a fairy tale. It involved a lot of tears, fights and reconciling and learning – slowly – to love unconditionally the way I loved my own son.
Eleven years down the line it is a lot easier – but I am still learning…
* that’s a whole other post for next time…
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Bonding
When I got married I had two little boys instantly, one of 5 and one of 18 months. It was SO hard. I had no idea what it was to be a mom, I didn’t really feel a deep love for these two little boys, I did love them, but it was more an obligation, and a responsibility.
In those first two years I was a monster – yes, I will admit it. But every time that horrible monster would rear it’s ugly head in rage with shouting, screaming and yes, sometimes getting physical with them – the real me would be hiding somewhere deep down inside me, terrified. I was always so ashamed and shocked at my behavior and I would pray and ask God to help me control my temper and to treat these little ones with gentleness – but the monster would win the battle time and time again. I felt like a stranger in my own skin. And worst of all I felt like a complete failure…
Nobody knew how I was struggling because I was way too proud to ever admit I was making a complete mess of things.
We did have our good days where things went well and we happy and I did, and still do, love the boys – I just didn’t know how to be a Mommy to them
As things progress in a marriage, my husband and I decided to have a baby together. I changed, I was a different person. I wasn’t my old self yet – but I was feeling better and as my pregnancy progressed so did my “mommy instincts”.
When Donny was born I was instantly in love with him. My beautiful little bundle of joy. He was my pride and joy and the bond between us was strong and instantaneous.
And I suddenly had the revelation that the difference between being a biological mommy and a step mommy was that with your own baby the mother to child bond is there right from the start, but with step children that mother to child bond is non existent at first. It takes time, effort, love and many MANY hours of prayer. It is something that has to be created and sustained. It is something very very fragile and can be destroyed in an instant, then the building process has to start again.
I felt like Archimedes after he discovered the principal of density and ran around the town naked yelling EUREKA!! (I found it!!). I had fond the answer to a question that had been burning in my heart and was a way to finally start to build on a long, meaningful and loving relationship with these two boys. Unfortunately I had done so much damage in my first two years of step mothering that I really had my work cut out for me.
I am still working daily on the bond and I will admit that with my younger step son it has become strong over the years, but with my oldest step son it is still very fragile. One thing I do know now, is that I love them deeply and I would do anything for them. And the monster stereotypical step mom is looooong gone – I killed that monster the day I said Eureka.
In those first two years I was a monster – yes, I will admit it. But every time that horrible monster would rear it’s ugly head in rage with shouting, screaming and yes, sometimes getting physical with them – the real me would be hiding somewhere deep down inside me, terrified. I was always so ashamed and shocked at my behavior and I would pray and ask God to help me control my temper and to treat these little ones with gentleness – but the monster would win the battle time and time again. I felt like a stranger in my own skin. And worst of all I felt like a complete failure…
Nobody knew how I was struggling because I was way too proud to ever admit I was making a complete mess of things.
We did have our good days where things went well and we happy and I did, and still do, love the boys – I just didn’t know how to be a Mommy to them
As things progress in a marriage, my husband and I decided to have a baby together. I changed, I was a different person. I wasn’t my old self yet – but I was feeling better and as my pregnancy progressed so did my “mommy instincts”.
When Donny was born I was instantly in love with him. My beautiful little bundle of joy. He was my pride and joy and the bond between us was strong and instantaneous.
And I suddenly had the revelation that the difference between being a biological mommy and a step mommy was that with your own baby the mother to child bond is there right from the start, but with step children that mother to child bond is non existent at first. It takes time, effort, love and many MANY hours of prayer. It is something that has to be created and sustained. It is something very very fragile and can be destroyed in an instant, then the building process has to start again.
I felt like Archimedes after he discovered the principal of density and ran around the town naked yelling EUREKA!! (I found it!!). I had fond the answer to a question that had been burning in my heart and was a way to finally start to build on a long, meaningful and loving relationship with these two boys. Unfortunately I had done so much damage in my first two years of step mothering that I really had my work cut out for me.
I am still working daily on the bond and I will admit that with my younger step son it has become strong over the years, but with my oldest step son it is still very fragile. One thing I do know now, is that I love them deeply and I would do anything for them. And the monster stereotypical step mom is looooong gone – I killed that monster the day I said Eureka.
INTRO
I am a step mom.
No. I don't not have an ugly wart on my chin.
No. I am not wicked with a heart of stone.
No. I do not make my step children do hard labour or sleep on the cold hard floor at night.
I am a step mommy and my aim with this blog is to break and totally destroy the image that is conjured up in peoples minds when they hear the words step mother.
I want to share my experiences – good, bad and ugly with other step moms out there and hopefully be of some assistance.
I hope in turn to learn from other step moms in the blogger-sphere too.
Step dads – feel free to join in and share your experiences and opinions with us too!!
No. I don't not have an ugly wart on my chin.
No. I am not wicked with a heart of stone.
No. I do not make my step children do hard labour or sleep on the cold hard floor at night.
I am a step mommy and my aim with this blog is to break and totally destroy the image that is conjured up in peoples minds when they hear the words step mother.
I want to share my experiences – good, bad and ugly with other step moms out there and hopefully be of some assistance.
I hope in turn to learn from other step moms in the blogger-sphere too.
Step dads – feel free to join in and share your experiences and opinions with us too!!
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